Magic on Poo Island

Greg laid on the bed overwhelmed by nausea, contemplating that threshold moment between monitoring a spinning stomach and rushing to the toilet. Luckily, the nausea subsided and Cindy entered the room with two buckets and large-mouthed Wysocki smile. If you have a strong stomach, like Cindy, then this blog entry is for you. If the word "entrails" leaves you queasy, then you may want to skip this entry.

What brought us to Poo Island (aka Koh Samui) is the allure of health. Spa Samui is a magical place which Cindy discovered five years ago while in the throes of a chronic ailment. A 69 year-old elf-like retired psychologist, Armand, brought her here from Poland. Armand, angelic advocate, has been traveling the world for 25 years, helping people with whatever needs, problems, or issues they have in the present moment. Five years ago, Cindy's problem was a bad case of candida, and Armand's solution: Poo Island. Her stint on Poo Island transformed her health and spirit. We returned 5 years later, not seeking transformation, but to boost our health and experience the magic of the place.

Most people would not call the 7 day detox program "magical." Many would consider it sadistic, disgusting, and fit only for new age fruits. The program is a fast, but we are constantly imbibing in some way. Five times a day, we take a detox drink, a suspension of psyillium and bentonite clay, which must be chugged before it thickens. This drink fills us up and flushes us out. We take hand fulls of herbs and drink tons of water. As a luxury, we sip two vegetable broths, 2 coconut waters, and 2 carrot juices per day. We also take coffee, but unfortunately not in our mouths. We self-administer colemas twice a day.

Why are we punishing ourselves like this? The theory is that three square meals a day keep the body very busy. These meals sustain us and entertain us, but they eventually get in the way of other tasks, such as doing away with that five-year-old undigestible pork-chop gristle caught in a fold of the colon. During the detox, the body checks the boxes of that long forgotten to-do list.

On the first day of the detox, it was the pale-faced, antiseptic, staff drone and his introduction to the colema procedure that wretched Greg's stomach. Cindy's familiarity with the tubes, bucket, clips, lube, reclining colema board, and poo-catching basket immunized her against the sterile presentation. Cindy completed the first colema like a whizz in 30 minutes and walked out of the bathroom smiling. Greg, on the other hand, toiled for over 90 minutes and emerged cursing.

As the detox days passed, Skinny Bones felt drained and remarkably less motivated compared to five years ago now that she no longer struggled with a chronic malady. On the fifth day, upon stepping on the scale and finding the number more slight than when she started, Mrs. Bones decided to call it quits, leaving Mr. Bone to perservere alone.

Meanwhile, Greg was full of energy and without hunger. His gait perked, his face thinned, and his eyes cleared. However, his outward healthy appearence belied a typhoon of toxic reactions. Headaches, sewer mouth, pains, and strange odors riddled him. The colema board became a nemesis; the twice daily enemas became epic battles. But the evidence in the poo basket suggested that radical emmissions were giving way to improved gastrointestinal fitness.

"My goodness! Let me look at you! You must have lost four inches on your waist!" Cindy would comment chipperly as Greg emerged from the War Room. He would collapse on the bed, moan, mutter a derogatory comment about the Spa, and wait out the nausea.

We write this on the ninth day and zucchini has never brought such pleasure. A piece of raw, unrefined, organic chocolate pie sent us into spasms of delight. We left the Spa jogging through the surf in the night. In the end, the detox program boosted our spirits and perhaps our health, too. Cindy had her overall state of health validated. Despite breaking many of her strict dietary rules in Africa, her health is the best it has been in years. Greg leaves the Spa knowing that he extricated several small aliens from his colon, and that he added at least 10 minutes on to the end of his life.
We came to Koh Samui seeking not only health, but also magic. On the second day of our fast, magic flutterd in in the form of our spry elfin friend, Armand. Serendipitously, after spending eight months in India, Armand's return to Spa Samui coincided with our visit. After a joyous reunion over bowls of vegetable broth, he has been fluttering about the Spa, into people's lives to help them in any way he can. Tonight, we will celebrate with him around a table of solid food.

Now that our physical cleanse is over, our mental cleanse begins. From March 20-27, we will be meditating at an austere retreat, also located on Koh Samui. This promises to be another challenging and fascinating experience. We'll be back on-line after the 27th.


Peace and love,